Also known here as "a haircut".
Had to get a haircut today. I let it go as long as I could without people noticing, but I knew it would eventually need to be trimmed. Getting a haircut here is a bit of an experience, for lack of a better word. It starts out just like any other haircut that you would get in the states, at least from a male perspective...I can't say I know what the experience is like for you ladies out there...but you walk in, take a seat, and wait for the next available chair. Nothing out of the ordinary, but once you take a seat...that's when the adventure begins!
First off, the guy (because they're all guys, and this will be significant later on) will put that drapey thing over you to keep the cut hair off your clothes and then asks how you want your hair cut. Or at least you assume he's asking you how you want your hair cut, because he's actually fresh off the boat from India (or close to it) and he speaks in broken English. But you go with the assumption that he's asking you how you want your hair cut, because what else would he ask you about? How your day went? I doubt it. So I tell him, slowly and annunciating each word, that I would like a 1 on the sides, faded to a quarter inch on top. He doesn't say anything back, just nods and heads for the clippers. The clippers don't worry me, because they have measured guards with clearly labeled numbers. Pretty sure he won't screw that up, but I start thinking...I wonder if he understands "inches"? I mean, if he's from anywhere but the U.S., then he obviously is more familiar with the metric system. Should I have said centimeters? Crap...how many centimeters are in a quarter of a inch?!? Needless to say, I shrugged off the metric system in school since the U.S. was eventually going to take over the world and enforce our standard system, right? Not soon enough, I guess. And when would I ever need to use the metric system outside of chemistry class? I got a C in the last chemistry class I took! I gave up on doing the conversion in my head, because by the time I actually figured it out the haircut would be done with anyways. So I said screw it and we'll see how this turns out.
He eventually finishes up with the clippers, having taken an abnormally long time around the neck line, and starts with the scissors. At first, he just sort of hacks away at the top of my head. No measuring whatsoever. WTF is going on here? At this point, I'm more curious as to how his unorthodox method will turn out, as opposed to worried about the possible result of a horrific hair cut. Is he a hidden Paul Mitchell, or just carelessly hacking away at my hair like a hedge trimmer? I watch intently as he takes big cuts and small cuts, and in-between cuts, wondering if this guy had any sort of training at all before they let him loose with clippers and a pair of scissors...I'm going with the latter...
(SIDEBAR: one of the things I enjoy immensely about getting a haircut out here is that fact that there's no mindless banter, due to the language barrier. LOVE IT! I hate going in to get a haircut and having to talk about meaningless crap. Trying to come up with random topics like the weather, my job, what I have planned for the day/weekend/life, or having to answer any questions relating to those topics with more than one word. I'm paying for a haircut, not a therapy session. Plus, I just don't like talking to people I don't know...or even most of the people I DO know...j/k)
So he finishes with the scissors and everything seems to be where it's supposed to be, albeit with a bowlcut-esque look to my bangs (think Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber), but I can fix that. Now the haircut's done and I just have to pay and be on my way, right?
Of course not. The title of this post wouldn't be "Desert Man-Massage Adventure" if there were no man-massage in it, right? That's right! Have you ever seen/heard of some of those haircut places like SportsClips in the states that have ladies who give you a little shoulder massage with your haircut? Well, it's kind of like that, except instead of ladies they have Indian guys...and instead of "a little shoulder massage", they beat your head and shoulders around and maybe massage your eyebrows a little. They also do this crazy thing with their hands together where when they hit your head with their double-handed fist, it sounds like all the knuckles in their hands are cracking at the same time. Freaky stuff the first time you hear it. Oh, and the first haircut I got here, the guy cracked my neck both ways like a chiropractor. Pretty sure he's not licensed and I was definitely wondering what the hell he was going to do when he grabbed my chin and head and started twisting it. I'm still alive, and walking, so it turned out okay.
So it was only after I was slightly beaten into submission that I was allowed to get out of my chair and pay the good man and be on with my day. $5.25, plus tip. I'd be slightly disappointed in the resulting haircut, but everybody else is walking around with the same crappy haircut too. It's like a special club haircut!
Needless to say, I try and make it as far as I can between haircuts as I can. One of the few things I dislike more than talking to people I don't know is when strange men from foreign countries and broken English want to give me a massage...but unlike the talking to strangers thing of mine, I think more people would agree with the massage thing.
-And that was my eventful story of the day. (sorry for no pictures)
P.S.- I'm pretty sure I was partially right about the metric system vs standard, because he only cut it to about half an inch
