I took my first trip to the base's outdoor pool today, also known around here as "Man-tan-istan." Hopefully you get it by now, but if not, look at the following picture:
...now, how many chicks can you point out (HINT: there's at least two!)...uh huh...now how many dudes (HINT: a lot more than two!)...there you go, now you get it, right?
It's usually filled by the biggest tools you can find. You know the ones. They're usually pretty fit, but they workout their arms and shoulders unproportionally more than the rest of their bodies, so they walk around looking like they can't even wipe their own asses. Add to that one body part of your choice covered in colorful, meaningless tattoos. Usually either the arm and shoulder combo, the upper back, or the chest, and it's more than likely of the tribal nature (curvy lines). Then, of course, they're sporting the board shorts that are mostly white, with either reflective aviator sunglasses or the overly large Oakley's. And don't forget the perfectly groomed, gelled hair and shaved/waxed chest and back.
But I can live with all those d-bags hanging around the pool for one reason...the occasional good looking lady in a bikini. Now, after several months over here without seeing anything more than a pony tail in PT gear and girls in camouflage, just about any girl can look good in a bikini at this point. It's a known phenomenon called a desert queen. Check the link for a definition. Especially since even when we go off base, the most we usually see are women in burqas and all you can see are their eyes. Kind of like the jawas in Star Wars. But it's hilarious watching all the guys when a decent looking girl comes in to the pool or is floating around on a raft. Everyone tries not to be obvious and stare, but they almost walk into stuff while looking out of the corner of their eyes. Even the aviators/Oakley's can't hide it. I'm just as guilty. I'm thinking about growing a mustache over the next few weeks, then going back to the pool with a pair of binoculars and just being the creeper sitting in the corner as a joke, but I'd probably get in trouble.
Moving on, I don't know why I didn't come here earlier in my deployment, because it's absolutely amazing. It's the only place on base where you can be without a shirt on (for better or worse) and it makes for a nice, relaxing day off. This being my first time going, I was expecting to get a little sun. I didn't want to get too burnt, but I also wanted to get some color, so I set out after breakfast to find me some sun tan oil with, at most, an SPF of 10. First stop was the BX (AKA: store) closest to my trailer. Upon arriving, I was told that it was closed by someone I knew who was sitting by waiting for it to open. There was a sign in the door that said exactly this: "Liberty Gate locked down, store will reopen once associates are released." So...I guess the folks that run the store got held up at the gate or something. No biggie, I decided to drive to one of the other BX's on base to see if it was more than just that one store...and of course it was closed too. I drove back to the original BX and found that it was open, but they only had SPF 45 Sunscreen. What the hell? I might as well just leave my shirt on like a fat kid if I'm going to use that! So I get back in my truck and drive to one of the other BX's...again...and found the lowest anybody had was SPF 30. Guess I'm gonna have to make due.
Went straight to the pool with my new liquid clothing sun screen in hand and did absolutely nothing but lie on a chair for 2 hours. It was glorious. It started to get pretty hot out, and I was starting to get pretty hungry, so i packed up my things and headed to lunch. Only I ran into someone I knew who was just now deciding to go to the pool. I told them that I was going to grab a quick lunch and then I would head back to the pool to meet up, because what else was I going to do today? Got my lunch, put on more sunscreen, and headed back to the pool. By this time, it was incredibly hot out and felt like I was sitting in an oven, and the hot air blowing around just sucked all the moisture out of my eyeballs, so I decided to hop in the pool. Nothing exciting, but I can start to feel the tingle of sunburn coming on...headed back to my room and about an hour or so later I check myself out in the mirror for tan lines and BAM!, there it is. You can see exactly where I was able to put the sunscreen and everywhere I wasn't. Mostly on my back, but the backsides of my arms that I forgot about, and my thighs are completely red. I could probably cook an egg on my thighs. Even my knees are burnt. So much for SPF 30...
And that was my adventure for the day
In other news, this could possibly rank up there as the best week I've had out here so far.
For little reasons, I had to swap out my little truck once for a really beat up Ford Ranger from 1999 because my unit got last in vehicle inspections. Like, ghetto truck. I would be on the flight line and put it into park, but it would slip into reverse and I would start going backwards. Not a good thing when you're parking close to multi-million dollar airplanes. But then, one of the other units got in trouble with one of their vehicles and our commander told them to swap one of their vehicles with me as punishment. I know proudly drive a Ford F250 with extended bed AND cab. Booyah.
For boring reasons, my planes flew better than they have since I've been here. Short versions: this means I don't have to say anything or explain why we suck at life at my meetings on Monday, and it makes it look like I know what I'm doing. I get a gold star sticker for the week.
And, for more exciting reasons, I got word finally on when I can expect to go back home! Turns out I won't have to stay out here an extra month like I thought I would. Awesome news for me, because it's getting ridiculously hot out here and I didn't want to miss certain things going on back home. Now...I just have to figure out where I want to live when I get back...seeing as how I'm technically homeless at the moment...
